


Pink for a Reason

by clarityhiding, greeneyedharpy



Series: The Best Thing Since [3]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Cab, Young Veins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-17
Updated: 2008-09-17
Packaged: 2017-10-22 01:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarityhiding/pseuds/clarityhiding, https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneyedharpy/pseuds/greeneyedharpy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon and Haley are the biggest gossips on tour, best known for their stealthy, ninja-like song-writing abilities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pink for a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** All this? Never happened. ~~Except for Haley & Brendon's Bastion of ♥LOVE♥ and All Things Disney.~~ Everything is fictional and fake, except for the people, who never did any of this. MORE'S THE PITY.
> 
> Thanks to reishin and britchick5000 for the awesome beta-reads. ♥~

When Brendon learns about The Cab touring with The Best Thing Since, he is psyched beyond belief. This is partly because Keltie and Haley found The Cab while visiting Ryan Ross and Spencer Smith in Vegas, so Brendon likes to think of them as sort of like TBTS's protégés. (Brendon still can't get over the fact that every member of his band has a boyfriend with an alliterative name; he thinks it is something of a shame that TBTS doesn't have five members, so they can't claim Cash Colligan's awesome alliteration as well). Mostly, though, he is excited because he and Cash quickly discovered upon meeting that they are like brothers from different mothers! Twins separated at birth! Brendon knows that if TBTS and The Cab tour together, he and Cash will totally be tour!boy!bffs. As soon as he learns the tour plans, Brendon calls Cash to inform him of this fact.

"Cashmoney!" Brendon crows happily into his phone as soon as Cash answers.

"Bden!" Cash says just as happily. " _Tour_."

This is one of the reasons Brendon likes Cash so much – he sometimes reads Brendon's mind. " _Tour_ ," Brendon agrees. "We are totally going to be tour!boy!bffs, Cashmoney. You are not allowed to tell me no."

"Like I would! Dude, Brendon. Did you know that you can order extra-strong double-stick tape in bulk?"

This would be another reason Brendon likes Cash so much – Cash _knows_ stuff. "I did not know this! Tell me more, I'm all ears."

Thus, grand plans are planned, and Brendon maybe spends a little more than he should ordering things online, but. Hello. _Plans_. Seriously, Brendon doesn't understand why Cassie keeps talking about removing Cash's number from Brendon's phone. However, Brendon has taken the precaution of entering Cash's number in his phone under "Cousin Becky" as well as "Cashmoney," just in case Cassie ever tries to sneakily delete it. Cassie is a lot better at the stealth thing than Brendon and Haley are, almost as good as Keltie, so she might actually manage it if she sets her mind to it.

"This is going to be the best tour _ever_ ," Brendon tells Haley over the breakfast table a week or so before the tour starts. "I mean, not only are New London Fire touring with us again," and Brendon seriously has no idea how it is that they lucked out enough to have two tours in a row with NLF, but there is no way he's going to complain about that, "but we get The Cab too! A baby boyband of our very own to mold in our image, Hales!" There is maybe some small chance that Brendon has vague ideas of using The Cab to help him achieve world domination. _Very_ vague ideas. He thinks it would be cool to have an entire army of guys named Alex – kind of like the cloned Storm Troopers in _Star Wars_ , only with the same name instead of the same face. They could wear awesome matching uniforms with hats. Brendon is a bit of a fan of hats, which would be something that some of his roommates in the past have complained about. (Patrick refuses to room with him ever again, which is a shame, because Patrick is a _genius_.)

Luckily for Brendon, Haley is a fan of hats as well (currently sporting this awesome English boater-thing that Brendon is pretty sure she swiped from Ryan Ross) and also doesn't mind sharing. This and the fact that she is his bestest friend of all time do much to make Haley the best roommate ever. She apparently feels the same about Brendon since they've been rooming together for a couple years now, and she has yet to make any noises about finding someone else to move in with. This is great, because if she moved out, their flat couldn't be Haley & Brendon's Bastion of ♥LOVE♥ and All Things Disney, which would be a tragedy and a shame, especially after they've made the signs and everything.

\---

Unlike Brendon, Bob has yet to be won over to the supposed fabulous of the apartment Brendon shares with Haley. This maybe has something to do with the fact that the last time Bob was there, a container of what witnesses claim was potato salad (though Haley swore up and down it had been a turkey sub last time she checked) leaped out when Bob opened the refrigerator door and tried to make a break for it. Because of his uneasiness with Haley & Brendon's Bastion, Bob usually insists that they meet up at his place or somewhere else around town. Today, they are feeding ducks at the park because it requires little enough attention that they can easily talk at the same time. Also, Brendon is fucking adorable around animals of any sort.

The first thing Brendon does, after they find a likely bench to use as the base of their duck-feeding operation, is announce that The Cab is coming on tour with them. This is news that Bob is... somewhat less than pleased to hear. "But, Bob, it will be the most awesome tour ever," Brendon says, climbing into Bob's lap and speaking with Great Sincerity. "There'll be you and your band, and me and mine, and The Cab, and the Hushies! And Cash has already agreed that he and I are going to be tour!boy!bffs."

"Tourboy BFFs," Bob repeats, voice dull. "I thought you were best friends with Haley?" 'Best friends' is synonymous with 'partners in crime' and 'snuggle buddies' in Brendon-speak, Bob has learned. Bob does not particularly approve of Brendon and Cash being snuggle buddies – just the thought of it makes his eye twitch. He can already feel a growl trying to crawl up the back of his throat.

"Tour!boy!bffs," Brendon corrects. "You have to pronounce the exclamation marks. And Haley's a _girl_ ," Brendon explains patiently. "Plus, she's my best friend _all_ the time, not just on tour. Cash is my boy best friend for the _tour_."

"I don't see why you can't just stick with me or Walker if you need a guy to hang out with," Bob grumbles. He likes and approves of Jon. Well, mostly approves of him – sometimes Jon is just as bad as Haley when it comes to aiding and abetting Brendon's schemes and shenanigans. Bob does not approve of Brendon's getting himself into trouble, particularly when Zack decides to take drastic disciplinary actions, like not allowing Brendon to leave The Best Thing Since's bus.

"Jon's afraid of the girls, though," Brendon says sadly, "or at least, he's afraid of upsetting Cassie." Bob nods. That is possibly the very reason why Bob approves of Jon. Cash Colligan has yet to learn proper fear of females. "Plus, hanging out with The Cab is like getting in touch with my roots. Us Vegas kids gotta stick together."

Bob raises an eyebrow. "You moved away when you were fourteen. I hardly think you still count as a Vegas kid." Crazy Vegas kids. Smith's alright, Bob supposes, from the few encounters Bob's had with him, but The Cab is clearly a band of troublemakers. Definitely Untrustworthy. Prone to pulling pranks, making mischief, and creating chaos in general. Also, not nearly attached enough for Bob's tastes. Kids that age should have girlfriends to keep them out of trouble. Or boyfriends, Bob's not picky.

"It is the _concept_ of the thing, Bob Bryar," Brendon says, sighing. He leans forward and presses a kiss to Bob's forehead. "Don't worry. I still think you're cute," he reassures Bob.

A month later and about two weeks into the tour, Bob's just minding his own business, enjoying the fresh air, when TBTS's babysitter stomps up to him. "Bryar."

Zack's pretty cool, so Bob smiles and waves. "Yo."

Zack narrows his eyes. "Where is he, Bryar?"

"No idea what you're talking about," Bob says blandly, adopting a carefully expressionless face.

"I know you know where Brendon is." Bob is aware of the fact that Zack knows how this works, that even before Bob and Brendon were dating, Bob always knew where Brendon was whenever their bands were touring together.

Bob continues with his expression of blankness, giving away nothing. "I haven't seen him since this morning," he answers truthfully. Heard him, yes, but seen him? Nope. Bob's been busy practicing and doing his job in general. "Have you tried asking Haley?" Bob suggests.

Zack huffs. "Don't think I don't know what you're up to, Bryar," he says before turning and stomping off.

Usually, Zack looking for Brendon means that it's a good time to find out exactly what the kid's up to. Sighing, Bob pushes off the side of the building and wanders off to find his boyfriend.

Along the way, he runs into one of the babies, the one with the crazy hair who always kind of reminds Bob of Krista's boyfriend. Isaac? Ivan? Something like that. Bob thinks he's pretty cool, being the most sensible of the babies that make up The Cab and possessing some pretty bitchin' guitar skills. He is not so cool when he's grabbing at Bob's arm and stopping him on his Brendon-finding mission, however.

"Just so you know, Brendon and Cash are planning this thing. I just. Watch out, you know?" Ishmael says before he lets go of Bob's arm. Bob frowns and nods. When Irwin takes the time to warn Bob about things like this, he knows it's time to listen and take things very seriously.

Thus, taking Ignatius' warning into consideration, when Bob finds Brendon and Cash huddled together between a couple of buses, he approaches them with a stern look and crossed arms. Both boys are neon pink up to their elbows, and Bob probably really doesn't want to know what's been going on. Brendon seems to have lost his shirt, and there's something written on his chest, though Bob can't make out what it says from this angle.

Bob looms over them, considers their pink arms, and observes, "You're going to need a shower, Urie." Brendon doing crafty things is kind of always adorable and Bob finds that he must expend extra effort to maintain a serious expression while he looms. "Why are you pink? You haven't touched the girls' stuff, have you?"

"We haven't!" Brendon says, eyes wide with innocence. Bob isn't going to buy the innocent look, though. He's been dating Brendon for a few months now, has known him even longer. "Haven't you noticed it's almost Valentine's Day? We need to get in the spirit of things!" Which, okay. Bob lives pretty regularly with four females, so you would think he'd have an easy time remembering stuff like dates of romantic holidays. Unfortunately, he is not so good at that kind of thing, so he hasn't exactly noticed Valentine's Day sneaking up. Oops. He should maybe do something about that.

"We've been dyeing all the stage banners," Cash explains as he examines his pink arms with interest. Sometimes, Bob wonders about the kid.

"Did you at least ask anyone before you went about dyeing all the banners?" Bob asks patiently. He doubts they did - getting permission to do things is something Brendon and Cash tend to be a bit vague about.

"We... asked Ian," Cash says a little shiftily. Ian... Mini!Ray is Ian, Bob suddenly recalls. Right. He should try to remember that, probably.

"Well, sort of," Brendon amends. "Ian maybe found us stealing the stage banners?"

"That does not count as asking for permission," Bob says with a sigh. He decides there is only one possibly solution for this situation. Namely, a suitable scapegoat must be found before Zack discovers Brendon and his pink arms. Bob eyes Cash speculatively – he and Brendon may be "tour!boy!bffs," but Bob has no compunction about selling Cash out in order to get Brendon off the hook.

Unfortunately, Brendon knows that speculative look. He frowns, pink hands settling on his hips. "You can't make Cash take the fall, Bob," he says. "We are tour!boy!bffs; we do not sell each other out."

"You want Zack to confine you to the bus from now through next week?" Bob asks, raising an eyebrow.

"...can't we just blame Singer?" Cash suggests.

Brendon nods enthusiastically. "Singer has hips and innocent eyes, Bob! People will not get mad at him."

Bob considers this – the idea has merit, he supposes, but unfortunately for Cash, Bob also possesses logic. "You two look mighty guilty, though. What with the pink arms and all."

"It is a very serious birth condition, don't you know," Brendon says solemnly. "I am lucky to have Cash, who knows what it is like."

"...a very serious birth condition that results in neon pink arms? Yeah, I don't think Zack's going to buy that one," Bob says skeptically.

"Well, we could just hide," Cash says, rubbing his nose. The dye's apparently really set in, since none of it transfers from his finger to his nose. Bob tries not to let his disappointment show.

"Ignoring the fact that there's a show tomorrow night?" Bob asks. "You do realize that's the reason why there are stage banners, right?"

"Well... my band doesn't really doesn't need a bass player," Cash hedges. "And Brendon's doesn't need a singer?"

"Something tells me the girls aren't going to stand for that," Bob says. They put up with a lot from Brendon, but Bob is pretty damned sure that not showing up when they need to go on stage is not included in there. "You might want to hide, though," he says to Cash. "The girls get pretty angry when people encourage Brendon and his shenanigans."

"But Cash is my tour!boy!bff, Bob. We have to stick together," Brendon protests.

Bob frowns. He only has Brendon's best interests in mind, why can't Brendon see that? Anyway, Bob is Brendon's boyfriend, so Brendon should be siding with Bob in this and not with Cash. The fact that he isn't makes Bob feel grumpy. He maybe growls a little, and Brendon's eyes widen. "Oh my god. Bob Bryar, are you _jealous?_ " Brendon sounds positively gleeful at the prospect, which is also something Bob doesn't appreciate.

"No, of course not," Bob says grumpily. He's not jealous, he's just... annoyed that Brendon is spending all his time with Cash and not with Bob, and he says as much.

"But, Bob! I have years and years worth of being called a girl that I have to make up for. By teaming up with Cash to pull pranks and commit general mayhem doing things like dyeing things pink," Brendon explains.

"...which is not the least bit girly?" Bob asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course not, dude," Cash says. "We're pranksters, so it's completely different." Bob snorts. Right, of course. Really, he should know better by now than to even pretend to understand their logic.

"You don't need to worry," Brendon reassures Bob, patting his arm. "I love you best! You are all perfect for snuggling. And kissing! You don't think I go around kissing everyone on tour, do you, Bob Bryar?"

"You're always getting into trouble with Cash this tour. It's not like we have much time for snuggling or anything else," Bob huffs. He does not appreciate the mental image of Brendon kissing everyone on tour in the least. Bob growls a little and contemplates carrying Brendon off over his shoulder.

"I was going to come find you later," Brendon protests. "And we totally spend quality time together! I never sleep on my bus when we're on tour anymore; I'm always in your bunk." He bats his eyelashes at Bob.

"Yeah, and with my band on the other side of the curtain, pondering loudly whether or not I've compromised your virtue today," Bob grumbles. His band is cool: they're all sexy, amazingly talented women... but there are some things Bob could really do without. Like a peanut gallery for his sex life.

"That is totally not my fault," Brendon says.

Cash chokes and coughs, and Bob eyes him warily. Bob has his suspicions about who started the tradition of treating Bob's sex life as a spectator sport since it's new this tour. He thinks he might have overheard Lindsey mentioning something about Cash and a betting pool to Jamia the other day. All very suspicious, in Bob's opinion.

Still, Brendon is right, and Bob didn't mean to accuse him or anything, so he sighs and nods. "We still need to hide you before Zack finds you, though," he tells Brendon. Bob doesn't trust Cash not to give Brendon up to Zack since Cash is clearly in cahoots with the females.

"I think your bunk is an _excellent_ hiding place, especially if you are there too. To um, throw Zack off the scent. You know. The scent of my trail," Brendon volunteers helpfully, bouncing to his feet.

This is something Bob can definitely agree with Brendon about. Additionally, now that Brendon's standing, Bob can see that someone's written _For Bob's Eyes Only_ in Sharpie on Brendon's chest. Bob really can't help but make a little growly noise and promptly carry Brendon off to his bus, leaving Cash to deal with Consequences. Sure, Cash may blame Bob in the long run, but Bob is okay with that, since he has Brendon all to himself. And soon, he will have a Brendon in his bunk. There is very little Bob can see wrong with this situation.

Sometime later, when Brendon and Bob find themselves all curled up and around each other, bodies humming with happy contentment, Brendon squirms around in Bob's arms and says, "Maybe I could tell Zack my arms are pink from a bad sunburn?" He looks so hopeful that Bob feels horrible bursting his bubble.

"Brendon. Sunburns are red," he says gently.

"Only really bad sunburns! Sometimes people only burn a little, and they turn pink," Brendon mutters, glaring at his feet and sounding more than a little grumpy that Bob doesn't think his excuse will work.

"While that may be true," Bob acknowledges, "people do not turn fluorescent neon pink when they get sunburned. Or only up to their elbows when Zack has to know by now that you were running around shirtless." Brendon's apparent aversion to shirts is something that Bob has mixed feelings about. On the one hand, nice view. On the other hand, everyone else can see too.

"No one was supposed to notice that," Brendon pouts. "I tried to tell them to stop looking – I mean, I got Cash to write a warning and _everything_."

"You know, having him write it kind of defeated the purpose. Since he had to look to write it." Bob is possibly still a little grumpy about the amount of time Brendon and Cash are spending around each other. He reassures himself that this is because Cash gets Brendon in trouble, not because he's jealous or anything. Really.

Brendon rolls his eyes and smiles. "You are _so_ jealous, Bob Bryar," he says happily. "Anyway, you have nothing to worry about with Cash. He likes someone else."

"He had better."

"It's true. Only I can't tell you who because Cash swore me to secrecy," Brendon says. Bob narrows his eyes. He knows that tone. That's the tone of Brendon daring him to guess.

Bob sighs. "Excuse me if I'm a little doubtful about your ability to keep a secret," he says, raising an eyebrow.

"I swore I'd never tell ever, ever, ever in a _million_ years," Brendon says gleefully, eyes bright and full of mischief.

"Is it one of the Alexes?" Bob asks, willing to play the game if that's what Brendon wants. Bob maybe has difficulty telling all the members of Cash's baby band apart. It's an understandable problem, he feels – they're all so tiny! Really.

"Not. Telling. Remember, Bob? Sworn to secrecy."

Which is just fine with Bob, really. He isn't one of the girls in Brendon's band, and he honestly doesn't give a damn about Cash's love life. As long as Cash doesn't have a thing for Brendon, Bob couldn't give a damn. "It's not you?" Bob asks, just to make sure, and Brendon shakes his head vigorously. "Good. Tell Colligan to stop making his damned sexy eyes at you all the time, then," Bob growls, pulling Brendon down for more kisses.

Brendon makes an appreciative noise and lets himself be pulled down. He's glad they're past the whole jealousy thing.

\---

After spending a couple of very nice hours making out with Bob in his bunk, Brendon returns to his own bus and collapses next to Haley on the couch in the back lounge. He sighs dramatically, which is totally the cue to start gossiping. Brendon has maybe decided that since Bob has no interest in the matter, he will have to find someone else to reveal Cash's crush to.

Hearing Brendon's dramatic sigh, Haley perks up and stashes away her magazine as she turns to give Brendon her full attention. Her eyes go big, and Brendon grins because he really must be a sight to behold, between his pink arms, Sharpie'd chest, and all the numerous hickeys. "Looks like someone's been having a good day," she says with a grin.

Brendon sighs again. "It has been the _best_ , Hales. Me and Cash did some stuff, then he wrote on my chest so no one could look at it but Bob, then Bob found me and he did the growly thing and carried me off to his bunk like a cave man. Then I told him not to be jealous of Cash because Cash has a secret crush on someone else, then I made out with Bob." He leaves out the bit about there also being sexy funtimes in Bob's bunk because Haley doesn't need to know _everything_ about Brendon's love life, and also he doesn't want to distract her from the important topic at hand. Namely, Cash's secret crush.

"By 'did some stuff,' I take it you two are the reason why the stage banners are neon pink? Don't worry, I won't rat you out to Zack," Haley says. Brendon grins at her even though he totally wasn't worried about that because bands and best friends stick together. Besides, Brendon would never rat _her_ out, so it's only fair. "Wait, Cash has a secret crush? Really? Who is it, who is it?"

Yes, finally! Someone rising to the bait! Brendon remembers why Haley is his best friend even though he loves Bob with, like, his whole heart and everything. "Can't tell," he says, trying to look all mysterious, "I'm sworn to secrecy."

"Brendon Urie, you are totally going to tell me about Cash's secret crush," Haley says very seriously. "I mean, how are we going to do something about it if you don't tell me? It just wouldn't work."

"But he made me pinkie swear not to tell anyone in a million years!"

"Well, that's just silly. If you don't tell anyone, then what's the point of telling you?" Haley says. "You only tell people about your secret crush if you want it to get back to your crush eventually."

"To share the burden?" Brendon asks, but that does sound kind of silly. Maybe Cash does want him to tell people. "Haley, you are so smart."

"Of course I am," Haley says with a nod.

"Okay. So. It's Alex. Um. Marshall. The one with the quiet voice." Brendon thinks he's kind of cute, but he's so not Brendon's type since Brendon's type is big and cuddly and muscly and manly and in possession of awesome _ninja stealth_. In short, Brendon's type is Bob Bryar. (Or possibly Spencer Smith, but Brendon only ever thinks that very, very quietly in a tiny little part of his head where neither Bob nor Haley will ever, ever find it.)

"Ha, I knew it had to be one of the Alexes." Haley smirks. "So," she says, leaning forward and resting her chin in her hands, "what're we going to do about it?" Which is a good question. It is entirely possible that the members of The Best Thing Since – and Brendon and Haley in particular – have reputations as matchmakers when on tour. They cannot help it! The gossip gets back to them, and they just want to help.

"What sort of results do we want? Because we could tell everybody and make sure it gets back to Marshall." Brendon is very, very good at that – something of an expert if he does say so himself. Which he does.

"Cash would know you told, though. And then he'd be mad. Do we know what Marshall thinks of Cash? We don't want Marshall breaking Cash's heart, after all. Sad puppies are no good."

Oh. Good point, Brendon thinks. He shakes his head. "Kinda hard to know when we didn't even know about Cash and Marshall until just now, remember?" Well, he knew before just now, but he only found out today, and he hasn't had a chance to find out more, what with Bob being all growly. Brendon tries very hard to keep his face serious and not grin like a silly fool at the thought of Bob.

"Just checking," Haley says. She hums to herself, tapping her finger against her chin. "I think... it is perhaps time to give Marshall the third degree," she decides.

"Now? Wait, let me get a shirt on" Brendon can't very well interrogate Marshall while he's shirtless. It might give Marshall the wrong impression entirely, and they can't have _that_. Because Brendon is just not interested in Alex Marshall like that, nor is he interested in having Cash out for his blood, nor Bob out for Marshall's blood. Or all of New London Fire out for both their blood for breaking their drummer. The women in Bob's band are _scary_ , and nowhere near as cuddly as the girls in Brendon's band.

"I can't believe Bob's letting you walk around like that," Haley observes as she leans back and runs a critical eye over Brendon. "You might want something with long sleeves just in case we run into Zack."

Brendon grins and points to the _For Bob's Eyes Only_ on his chest before running off to his bunk and rummaging around in his bag, digging for a long sleeved shirt. He knows there's one in there; he saw it just the other da– Aha! With a triumphant yank, Brendon pulls the shirt free. Ooo, very nice. Not only does it have long sleeves, it is even a boy's shirt with buttons and everything, very serious and appropriate for interrogating. "Okay," Brendon says, pulling on the shirt and buttoning it up with nimble fingers. "I'm ready to roll."

Exiting the lounge, Haley turns, stops, and stares. "...does Spencer know you have that?" she asks and damn, trust Haley to recognize one of Spencer's shirts.

"Um." Brendon widens his eyes, and he strives to give her his best innocent puppy face. "...no?"

Haley frowns, then nods. "Just make sure you have it well hidden after today, then," she says, lips still pursed. "Spencer said he was going to try and make it to the show tomorrow." She flushes a pretty pink, and Brendon grins. He knows it's the middle of the semester for Spencer; he also knows that tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Sometimes Brendon is a little jealous of the fact that Haley has snagged herself an amazingly romantic boyfriend like Spencer Smith, but mostly he's just happy for her. It's the least Brendon can do to make sure she has a nice Valentine's Day and that her boyfriend isn't all twitchy about having his clothes sto– _borrowed_ by Brendon.

Though honestly, Brendon can't help it! His band is in the habit of treating all their clothes as a kind of communal closet, and sometimes Brendon wants to wear boy clothes. The same principles of clothes sharing that apply to his and his bandmates' stuff should totally also apply to that which belongs to Jon and Spencer and... Okay, never Ryan. Brendon doesn't think he'll ever feel the need to wear a scarf. He's not _that_ much of a girl. Not that Ryan Ross would ever let Brendon borrow any of his scarves. Ryan seems to have this idea that Brendon is not knowledgeable in the ways of Proper Scarf Care and would get glitter on them or something. Whatever. It's not like Brendon wants his silly scarves.

"What are we going to ask Marshall?" Brendon wants to know as he and Haley leave their bus and head over to The Cab's van. "We have to be extra careful to make sure he doesn't find out about Cash liking him while we interrogate him."

"We ask him if he has anyone he wants to spend Valentine's Day with, of course," Haley says. Haley generally likes her plans simple and straightforward except for when they're not.

"But what if he says no! Or lies!" Brendon is realistic about these kinds of things. Not everyone is as upfront and truthful as he and his band are, after all.

Haley frowns. "Maybe we should get Bob to loom him into truthfulness?" Which is a good idea, because Bob is good at stuff like that. Only.

"Bob doesn't want to know who Cash has a secret crush on," Brendon informs her.

"Bob probably just says that because he already knows through his awesome ninja stealth tactics." Haley has made no secret about the fact that she thinks it is great that Brendon is dating a ninja.

That is, of course, always a possibility, but. "Bob thought Cash had a crush on me. He was all jealous; it was awesome," Brendon says.

"Brendon. Bob thinks everyone has a crush on you," Haley says skeptically. "I think the only reason he's not jealous of me and Cassie and Keltie is because he knows about your fear of breasts."

"Yeah, but I think he was actually going to, you know, forbid me from seeing Cash or crush him or scare him or something." And, yeah, Brendon will admit that it hasn't helped that Cash has played on this, of course.

"You totally liked it," Haley accuses.

"He was all possessive and growly, and wanted to make out where EVERYONE COULD SEE! It was _awesome_ ," Brendon says happily, beaming at her. After years of being the single one in his band, Brendon really enjoys showing off his awesome boyfriend.

Haley considers this. "...do you think Cash would get possessive and growly if someone showed interest in Marshall?"

Brendon thinks about it for a second. "More likely he'd probably do something really stupid to make Marshall like him more."

"Wonder what Marshall would think of that..." Haley ponders, and Brendon can practically see the gears whirring away in her head.

"Knowing Cash, he'd probably decide to jump off a bus and end up breaking his leg," Brendon cautions her. He doesn't think using the same tactics on Cash that Brendon sometimes uses on Bob will work. Cash and Bob are very, very different people, after all.

"Wouldn't he try something like that anyway?" Haley asks, which... okay, is a very good point. Cash is prone to dangerous stunts just in general.

"Maybe we should talk to Marshall, and once we've found out more, we should talk to Cash, and like, moderate his stupid plans," Brendon says slowly. It sounds like a very responsible plan, which should please Cassie and Keltie, who're always saying that Haley and Brendon could stand to be more responsible with their exploits and shenanigans.

"Good plan," Haley says, and Brendon nods – of course it is a good plan, he, Brendon Urie, came up with it! Linking arms with Haley, they march off to interrogate Marshall.

When they arrive at The Cab's van, Marshall is so surprised to see them that he cannot even get a full sentence out. Sometimes Brendon thinks it is really, really cool that he and Haley are big enough rock stars that they can inspire that kind of response in people. Of course, Marshall's behavior probably has a lot more to do with the matching mischievous grins they're sporting, but Brendon likes to give Marshall the benefit of the doubt.

"So," Haley says cheerfully, hooking her chin over Brendon's shoulder, "tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Any big plans, Alex Marshall?" She waggles her eyebrows, and Brendon grins at Marshall, who just looks confused.

"Well," Marshall says a bit tentatively, "we have a show to play..."

Brendon waves a hand, dismissing this. All of them always have shows to play; it's their job, that totally does not count as a big plan. "Besides that," he says. "Got your eye on anyone special?" He and Haley back up the question with twin leers, just in case Marshall misses what they mean.

Marshall looks between the two of them, and it's clear he's even more confused than before. "Um, you guys both have boyfriends," he says.

Haley sighs. "Brendon, I think the boy's a bit dense," she says sadly, and yeah, Brendon has to agree with her on that one. No wonder Cash told Brendon about his secret crush! Cash and Marshall clearly need help here if Marshall is as dense as he's acting.

"I don't know what you guys are talking about," Marshall looks up at them, frowning. He sounds very calm, but Brendon knows that eyes are the windows of the soul, and he can totally see Marshall's eyes, and Brendon knows that really, Marshall is very confused! It is kind of awesomely adorable, and Brendon mentally apologizes to Bob for finding Marshall adorable, but really. _Really_. It would take a stronger man than Brendon to not find it adorable! Maybe not even Bob would would be strong enough to resist.

"We're just asking if you've got anyone you like," Haley says, patting Marshall on the shoulder. Brendon feels a little guilty for making Marshall feel so confused – he really looks like a poor, upset puppy.

"Oh, uh." Marshall flushes red, and his eyes dart from side to side, which is totally suspicious behavior in Brendon's book. "That's kind of private." Finally, Brendon thinks happily, they are getting somewhere here!

"So who is it," Brendon prompts, leaning in closer. "You can totally tell us."

"You two are the biggest gossips on tour. I know." This is totally unfair of Marshall because Brendon and Haley are not gossips! Exactly. Mostly. People just feel the need to tell them things! And then maybe they write songs about things, like the one they wrote when they found out that Nate had a crush on Greta. But it's not like that hurt anyone! Greta was totally clueless about it, and anyway, _everyone_ crushes on Greta at some point during tour. Even Brendon used to have a little crush on her before he and Bob were dating, and Brendon maybe possibly kind of has this fear of breasts thing going on.

"Nonsense. Discretion is totally our middle name," Haley says with big, soulful eyes. Brendon knows that she isn't horribly worried about Marshall not talking. They have ways of getting stuff out of people who don't want to talk, and years of practice implementing them. Though, yeah, mostly Haley's ways consist of her acting all hurt that someone thinks she is a big gossip and then pondering rather loudly what Spencer Smith will think about that. Brendon thinks it is sneaky and underhanded and awesome that Haley is totally not above using the fear that Spencer Smith strikes in the hearts of most people to her advantage.

"Then what was the whole thing with Sisky and that roadie?" Marshall asks with a shrewd look.

Haley and Brendon's faces are faces of complete innocence. _Innocence_. "We have no idea what you're talking about," Brendon says. Honestly, he can't understand what Marshall's complaining about – it isn't as if they've ever caused any damage, after all. Mostly. Well. It is a well known fact that Adam Siska has two great loves in life, and that the first is pizza. Brendon and Haley can't help it if they kind of really want to know what Siska's second love is. Or if they have a good time hypothesizing and trying to get Jon Walker to spy on the guys from The Academy Is... for them.

"I thought Keltie and Cassie banned you from meddling after the whole tour found out about Jamia before Frank did," Marshall says, voice full of suspicion.

"It is not our fault that she was mad and not talking to him at the time," Haley insists, and Brendon nods in agreement. That was totally Frank's fault, after all. And Jamia's. How were Brendon and Haley and the rest of their band supposed to know that she hadn't told him yet?! Really, there was no way they could've known! Geez. "Anyway. We're not meddling; we're just asking."

"Well I'm not telling," Marshall says, folding his arms over his chest.

"Brendon, he's resisting," Haley pouts.

"The power of Bob compels you!" Brendon shouts, lifting his shirt to flash Marshall.

"As if I'd tell you!" Marshall says with exasperation, throwing his arms up over his eyes and negating Brendon's awesome move. "You'd go straight up to him and um... oh. Her. Yes. Her."

Haley narrows her eyes and purses her lips. "Alex Marshall, do you mean to tell us that you are crushing on a _girl?_ Are you sure you're not lying to us?"

"What's wrong with crushing on a girl?" Marshall asks. "You're a girl."

"He said 'him,' first," Brendon says, pointing at Marshall. Brendon is onto Alex Marshall and his sneaky, tricksy ways. There is no way he is going to fall for them.

Haley frowns some more. "Hm. Brendon, I do believe this situation requires further reconnaissance," she decides. "Also, we only have a day to write a song." Brendon perks up. Writing new songs is always fun, particularly when they are writing them about people they know.

"Can we writing a song about lying and gender pronouns and how Marshall really has a crush on a boy?" Brendon asks, voice and face both full of hope.

"Oh, totally. Bye, Marshall!"

Glancing back, Brendon sees that Marshall looks all annoyed as he storms back into his van, and he snickers to himself. This is going to be AWESOME.

\---

A little while later, someone knocks on the door of TBTS's bus. Brendon prods Haley's thigh with his toe, and she glances up from the half-finished song on the table between them, sighs, and goes to see who it is. "Hello, Cash Colligan," she says brightly.

"You betrayed me," Cash announces.

"I totally didn't," Haley says, still smiling. "But if you want hugs and hot cocoa, we are totally dispensing both at the moment."

"Marshall hates you," Cash says as he pushes past Haley and into the bus. Brendon hurriedly returns his attention to the sheets of paper before him and pretends he adding more to the song. "Which means I have to hate you too, or he'll hate me – which would be horrible, even though he's kind of really, really adorable when he's pissed off. And that sucks, because who else is going to pull pranks with me and be my tour!boy!bff?"

Rolling her eyes, Haley hands a mug of cocoa to Cash. "Don't worry, we're fixing it," she reassures him, patting his shoulder. "And you could maybe ask Jon to be your temporary tour!boy!bff? Jon is pretty awesome."

"I bet Jon won't let me write on his chest," Cash grumbles, accepting the cocoa. "Also I bet he's not as good at pranks as Brendon." Brendon grins and can't help but preen at this.

"It is hard to write on Jon's chest," Haley agrees. "Manly chest hair does that. Jon is actually pretty good at pranks, though. Not as good as me and Brendon, though– No, not that word, this one." She leans over and grabs Brendon's pen to cross out a word and scribble in another up above.

Cash peers over her shoulder, obviously curious. "What're you doing?"

"Writing a new song. We're most of the way done," Brendon says, frowning at the change Haley just made. He doesn't particularly like it. He crosses out what she's written and writes in something else.

"Cool, what's it about?"

"Lying and gender pronouns," Brendon says decisively.

"Oooh," Cash tries to sneak a peek. "Who's it about?"

"You know," Haley says slowly, "it could be about no one at all. We don't always write about specific people." Which is kind of totally a lie, Brendon thinks, but it is a white lie in order to protect innocent victims, nothing like Marshall's deceptive and underhanded lying, so it is okay. Probably.

"Um, I can see the name Alex," says Cash, pointing to a spot on the page. "You've tried to rhyme it with duplex."

"So? Perhaps it is a song about Alex Suarez," Brendon huffs. It isn't as if The Cab has a monopoly on the name, after all. "Also, Alex is the perfect name for a song about lying and gender pronouns since it is a gender-neutral name."

Cash just doesn't let up though, and next he's pointing to another place on the page, insisting that, "Cab and babe don't rhyme."

Haley glares at him. "They do when Brendon sings them."

"Why are you writing a song about probably-Marshall?" Cash wants to know.

"Because we are geniuses. Also, there's less chance you'll break something this way." Brendon would hate for his tour!boy!bff to come to any unnecessary harm or injury; that would just not be any fun.

"But now he's gonna hate you even more, and I'll still lose my tour!boy!bff," Cash mumbles, obviously upset by this.

"Cash," Haley sighs. "Cash, Cash, Cash. Would we do something like that to you? You have to _trust_ us. We are _professionals_. Not everyone can write an awesome love song in just a day."

"Has Keltie looked over it?" Cash asks, and Brendon can tell from the tone of his voice that Cash totally doubts the awesomeness of the song.

"She's going to. Right now she's busy stealing scarves." Brendon probably isn't supposed to tell Cash about Keltie's Super Secret Valentine's Day Surprise since it _is_ Super Secret, but at the same time, Cash _is_ his tour!boy!bff. He totally deserves to know the Plan, plus Brendon's pretty sure that the entire tour is going to be in on the Plan eventually.

"Oooh, what for?" Marshall may complain about Brendon and Haley's gossiping tendencies, but Brendon knows for a fact that Cash is just as bad about wanting to know about everything that's going on.

"We're going to improve Ryan Ross's wardrobe, so that it is more tasteful! Also, shinier," Brendon says. He goes on to explain about Keltie's fabulous plan to pretty Ryan Ross's scarves with sequins and glitter and fabric paint and lace and ribbons and beads and whatever else Keltie and Brendon happen to have in their boxes of shiny, interesting doodads. They've been gathering bits and pieces for years now, and their collections are truly impressive. Brendon is totally down with sacrificing his awesome collection for the sake of making Ryan's scarves prettier.

"Can I help?" Cash asks eagerly.

"Totally," Haley chirps. "You can help by telling Marshall he can have the giraffe print one, but only if he mans up and cooperates with us." She smiles sweetly.

"He probably won't want to help, you know," Cash sighs, and Brendon would almost feel guilty if it weren't for the fact that he is positive his and Haley's plans will go off without a hitch. Probably. "He's really mad at you. Dude, what did you two do to him to make him so mad?"

"Nothing. Just asked him what he was doing for Valentine's Day," Brendon says. It is the utter, absolute truth.

"And?"

Haley shrugs. "And he said he was just playing the show because Alex Marshall is boring and dull and doesn't plan on doing anything special even when it's Valentine's Day."

" _And?_ He was really pissed, you had to have done _something_ ," Cash insists.

"Oooo, Brendon, Brendon, do you think _Marshall_ might do the growly thing? That would be kind of awesome," Haley says, hugging Brendon from behind and leaning her chin on top of his head.

Once again, Brendon is reminded of why it is that Haley is his bestest friend _ever_. "Oh my god, Hales, you're the best!" Brendon exclaims, spinning around to hug her. "He totally would, _totally!_ "

"What growly thing?" Cash asks, voice full of suspicion.

"That would be _awesome_ , wouldn't it? Oh my god, do you want to try, or should I?" Haley asks, bouncing happily. Brendon is sure that Marshall would be absolutely adorable all growly and possessive – he can't wait to see.

"What growly thing?" Cash demands again. "Guys!"

"I don't know, would Spencer mind?" Brendon asks. He tries to be practical about these things since he's the adult here. Well. The oldest person in the room, at least. "Because I think Bob might break if I make him growl any more." Brendon loves it when Bob goes all growly because it is awesome and amazing, but he also really, really doesn't want to break him. That would be tragic!

"Spencer wouldn't mind if you explained it to him properly," Haley says. "He understands about sacrificing for the greater good." Brendon is reminded that Spencer Smith is full of awesome sometimes. A lot of the time. Possibly always.

"Your boyfriend is amazing," Brendon agrees. "Just don't tell him I stole his shirt."

"My lips are sealed."

Brendon hugs Haley. "You are my bestest friend ever."

"I love you too, sweets. Want to go break Marshall's brain?"

"Yes please," Brendon says happily. Beside him, Cash whimpers, clearly lost.

"Come on, Cash. You get to help – don't worry, it'll be fun," Haley reassures him, patting his shoulder and slipping an arm around his waist.

"Okay," Cash says, giving in to the inevitable.

As they near The Cab's van, Haley tells Brendon, "Remember, you're running Spencer Smith Damage Control," before pressing a kiss to Cash's cheek and causing him to blush slightly and look more than a little confused. Brendon nods, making a mental note to duck over to the catering tent to get some apology cookies for Spencer later.

"Will you tell me the plan?" Cash begs in a whisper.

"Your duty is to watch Marshall very, very carefully for any growly sounds or movements," Haley whispers back. "Brendon and I are conducting a scientific experiment, and you are the most knowledgeable in the ways of the wild Marshall out of all of us."

Cash nods. "Should I call him out?"

"Hm." Haley leans her head on Cash's shoulder, tucking her face up against his neck. "Hm. You could do that, I suppose." Brendon tries very, very hard not to snicker at Cash's reaction to this – it's pretty hilarious, really. Particularly since Cash still seems to have absolutely no idea exactly what Haley's planning on doing.

"Marshall, you should come out, man!" Cash hollers. "I talked to Haley and Brendon!"

Marshall cautiously comes out of the van, and Brendon watches as Haley bounces a little on her toes and slips a hand into one of Cash's back pockets. "We're sorry, Marshall," she says sweetly, "we didn't mean to upset you."

"Yeah right, sure," Marshall says. He's standing rigid as a board and clearly looks upset.

"Cash was helping me write a song. He's really good at that," Haley purrs, turning her head to nuzzle Cash's neck. Cash's eyes widen, Brendon watches as he tries to twist around and get a good look at Haley.

If looks could kill, Haley would be in trouble. "About what?" Marshall snaps, his eyes narrowed as he crosses his arms over his chest.

"About love, of course," Brendon says happily. "What else do people write songs about this close to Valentine's Day?"

Haley nuzzles Cash's neck a little more. "Hey," Brendon hears her whisper to Cash, "how growly do you think he is? Bob-levels of growly?"

"He will probably pass that in about ten seconds," Cash whispers back.

"Wow, that's pretty awesome. He's so got it bad," Brendon mutters.

"Got what so bad?" Cash asks.

"Oh, you kids are so cute," Haley says with a laugh, pressing a kiss to Cash's cheek. "I'd love to stick around, but I have a song to finish. Thank you _so much_ for your _valuable_ input, Cash Colligan," she says, her voice heavy with adoration as she gives him a tight, lingering hug, pressing her breasts against his arm. Brendon eyes her chest suspiciously.

Cash's eyes go wide, and he squeaks so loudly that Brendon can't hold back his laughter as he and Haley run away. Luckily, Haley laughs too. Is, in fact, still snickering when they get back to their bus. "That. Was totally classic. Can you believe that Cash can recognize that Marshall is going growly like Bob but not pick up on _why_ he's going growly? _Classic_. We should put something in the song about Marshall being Bob-growly and Spencer-scowly. They would appreciate that."

"That is the best idea yet, Haley," Brendon agrees, nodding enthusiastically. "I feel bad for Cash, though. He should not be missing out on make out times because he and Marshall are dense."

"Which is why we are on our way to fixing it. I just hope Marshall won't boycott our set tomorrow..." Haley trails off, frowning, and Brendon gives her a curious look. "Maybe we should put Spencer or Jon on Marshall duty."

"Both," Brendon says emphatically. What's the point in writing an awesome song to acquire Cash a boyfriend if the target refuses to stick around long enough to listen to the song, after all? "It probably calls for combined awesome duty."

"Probably. Would it be safe to assume that where Marshall is, Cash will follow?" Haley asks, and yeah, Brendon sees that she has a point there. Cash likes The Best Thing Since, sure, and appears to be completely oblivious to their well-meaning schemes concerning his love life, but assumptions are not always good things. Brendon ponders the matter, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"Hm. Well, he wants to see how our banners turned out, so he'll show up for that if nothing else," Brendon says. He's kind of curious too – he and Cash even wrote extra special messages on them in addition to dyeing them.

"Your pink banners? I bet they're gorgeous," Haley says with confidence as she grabs their half finished song and curls up on the couch. She picks up her pen and uses it to tap the notebook. "Now c'mon, we need at least two more stanzas, and then we should probably get Keltie to double-check our meter. And maybe tell her and Cassie that we're doing a new song." Though doing last minute new songs is totally a common practice for Brendon and his band, so it's not like it'll be a major surprise. (How else do you think they managed Nate and Greta? Or the business with Siska? Brendon and Haley are totally _ninja songwriters_.) If anything, Keltie and Cassie will probably be surprised that they've managed to come up with a song with enough time to actually practice it before performing it.

Brendon flops down next to Haley on the couch and nods. "Okay," he says, making puppy dog eyes at Haley – he wants snuggles! Matchmaking plans are hard and difficult and totally necessitate snuggles, Brendon's decided, especially best friend snuggles.

Haley laughs and moves on the couch so that she's practically half on top of Brendon, which is _awesome_. "Hey," she says with a grin, poking Brendon's tummy with the end of her pen. "Guess what? You're not single for Valentine's Day this year. Go you."

That... is something that really hadn't occurred to Brendon until now. His eyes go wide, and he sits up a little straighter, body taut with excitement. "OH MY GOD," he says in an awed tone, "I'm not! I have a Bob who is amazingly excellent with ninja makeouts." Wow. Brendon has never not been single for Valentine's Day before in his whole life.

"Yes. We totally have to play the Ducks song tomorrow night so Bob knows how much you appreciate him," Haley tells Brendon with a wink.

"We should play I Wish I Could Grow A Beard Like Spencer Smith's too. And the peacock song and one of the songs about Jon. We should have a special Valentine's Day playlist! We could play all our love songs," Brendon says excitedly, leaning over and scribbling away in the margin of Haley's notebook.

"Ooo, _yes_ ," Haley says, laughing. "Jon said he likes the one about how he is like a kitten best; we should play that one. Also the Siska song, it's fun." Brendon grins and nods. He loves that Haley is , like, his brain twin or something. It is _awesome_. Spencer Smith and Ryan Ross have _nothing_ on them as far as weird, best friend psychic connections go.

"And definitely the Alex song, of course. We should find the others and tell to come here and help us with that," Brendon says as he cuddles closer to Haley. The Alex song has to be extra good so that Marshall and Cash will catch a clue. Otherwise, all will be for naught. Haley murmurs in agreement, squirming about so she can pull out her phone and text their missing band mates and demand that they return to the bus.

"It is too bad that we don't have Ryan handy," Haley sighs, frowning down at their lyrics. "He's actually okay at figuring stuff like meter out."

"Yeah, but Keltie is way better at writing awesome songs," Brendon points out. "Ryan Ross likes to write pretentious emo things about how hard his life is." Though, okay. Brendon has to admit that Ryan Ross has totally improved and become an all-around nicer person ever since he stuck his foot in his mouth when the professor for his Modern Poetry class decided to analyze the peacock song during lecture one day.

Haley frowns at her phone. "Jon says he can't come plot with us because he's _busy_." Brendon makes a sad face – Jon isn't a part of the band anymore since he has yet to best Keltie in their Guitar Hero Duels to the Death, but the band tends to treat him as a sort of an unofficial member, since he _used_ to be in it and only left because of awesome circumstances. "Ten to one he's on the phone with Spencer and Ryan, planning things for their 'secret' band project," Haley grumbles as she taps her fingers against her thigh, trying to work out beats.

Brendon snickers. One of the worst kept secrets ever is the fact that his girls' boys have been plotting for ages to form a band of their own. Mostly, Brendon and the girls ignore them and their antics, except for the time a year or two ago when Ryan Ross was considering the idea of stealing Brendon to sing for their secret boy band. Keltie, Cassie, and Haley had quickly put a stop to that. "They still don't have a singer!" Brendon laughs.

"I think they're planning to steal Lyn-Z's husband," Haley says distractedly.

"Gerard?" Brendon asks. Since he started dating Bob, Brendon's gotten to know the significant others of the rest of Bob's band a bit better. He really likes Jamia's husband, Frank, and he is kind of in awe of Krista's boyfriend's awesome guitar skills. "He's pretty cool. He drew some pictures of me, once."

"I think someone mentioned that he could sing, and Spencer and Ryan started plotting. You would make a great zombie," Haley says happily. Her wrists twitch, and Brendon knows she's playing imaginary drums in her head, thinking about what to do for their new song.

"I was a werewolf, actually," Brendon says, grinning. "It was great." He totally has Gerard's pictures carefully taped up in his bunk, so that he can stare at his werewolf self as he falls asleep at night. Well. When he sleeps in his bunk, which isn't often lately, actually. Not even Gerard-drawn were-Brendons can compete with Bob in Brendon's heart.

"You are such a puppy," Haley says. "If you were a werewolf, you would be all furry and cuddly and friendly."

"I would make the best puppy ever, you totally know it," Brendon agrees, his chest puffing up slightly with pride. He loves cuddles, and he's been conditioned to fall asleep when people pet his hair. Really, all he's missing is a tail! "Ooo, do you think I could wear a tail on stage tomorrow night?"

"Are you going to be Puppy Love? If we're doing costumes, I totally call Keltie's wings for a Cupid outfit," Cassie says as she ducks into the bus.

Brendon just wanted to be a puppy, but Puppy Love works too! Also, Brendon is always a fan of costumes, so. "Cassie!" He springs to his feet and bounces over to give her a huge hug. He has not seen her for _hours_ , and he is totally suffering from Cassie-deficiency. "You are a genius, even if your boyfriend fails at coming when he's called."

"He's usually pretty good about it, but he claims to have Important Tech-y Duties," Cassie says with a shrug. "Ooo, what's this? New song?" She plops down on the couch next to Haley, pulling Brendon down as well before grabbing the notebook from Haley.

"Mission: Obtain Scarves is a success," Keltie announces as she wanders in with a big sack slung over her shoulder. Brendon honestly has no idea how she's managed to abscond with Ryan Ross' entire scarf collection when the tour is miles and miles away from his wardrobe. Sometimes, Brendon thinks that Keltie must be a ninja. Other times, he knows. "Hello, band," she greets cheerfully. "What are we up to? Plots? Shenanigans?"

"Songs," Brendon announces, making grabby hands at Keltie. He wants to be a Brendon snuggle sandwich. "To make Cash and Marshall realize that they want to makeout with each other."

Keltie snuggles up to Brendon on the side opposite Cassie and Haley. "Children, you aren't meddling again, are you? What have I told you about meddling?" she asks. She sounds very stern, but Brendon can tell that she's really trying not to grin at them.

He decides to make it harder for her by grinning at her. "Marshall was all growly though. It was cute."

Next to him, Cassie perks up. "Growly like Bob?" she asks excitedly.

"Like Bob and Spencer combined, and Jon that time that dude tried to grope you when we were signing stuff," Brendon informs her solemnly.

"Wow. He's _gone_ ," Cassie decides, and Brendon knows she's suitably impressed with this news. "What did you do, plaster yourself all over Cash? What have I told you about being careful with your wiles, Brendon? They are dangerous weapons to be reserved for Bob only."

"I didn't," Brendon tells her, curling more into the Brendon Sandwich, "Haley did. It was _awesome_ , you guys. I'm so, so sorry you missed it."

"Cash was so cute and clueless!" Haley laughs, taking the notebook from Cassie and passing it on to Keltie. "He totally understood that Marshall was all Bob-growly, but he couldn't figure out why. The Cab are kind of really adorable." She extricates herself from the pile on the couch with a comment about getting something to drink, and Cassie easily slides into her vacated space, snuggling up next to Brendon.

"Babies," Brendon nods. He turns and makes puppy dog eyes at Keltie. "Keltie, Keltie, can we rhyme Cab with babe?"

Brendon's puppy eyes are way powerful, and he totally thinks he's going to win this from the way Keltie purses her lips when she looks down at him. "Do you think you can manage it without sounding like you're really stretching it?" she asks him very seriously. Oh, well. If it comes down to that, then no, Brendon doesn't think so really. Not without making Cab sound like Cabe, which sounds too much like Gabe, and that's an association Brendon just doesn't want to make. He squirms a little uncomfortably and tries to widen his eyes a bit more. "If you don't think you can manage it, then no, I'm going to have to veto that line. Sorry, hon," Keltie says apologetically, snuggling closer to him and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Fine," he huffs, "but you have to think up something even more awesome, then."

"Do you want to work out a rhyme scheme that works better, or would you rather come up with a new one entirely?"

Brendon rolls his eyes, because geez, only Keltie thinks about fancy terms like _rhyme scheme_. Clearly, this is a case of Ryan Ross's English majorness being sneaky and insidious, infecting his girlfriend. " _Something more awesome_ ," Brendon repeats. That should be more than enough!

"Well, I just want to make sure," Keltie says, smiling. Leaning over, she scribbles something out, pauses, then taps the pen against the notebook before scribbling a bit more. Finally, she turns the notebook towards Brendon. "What about that?"

The rest of the band reads over the lyrics. "I think you should put in a reference to money, or cash, or dollars, just to make it clear," Haley volunteers, leaning in to look at the notebook.

Cassie pushes herself up some in order to see and frowns. "The bass line is a bit dull – sorry, hon, but it is," she says, patting Brendon's foot. "I don't know if you're fine with play it as it is, but you might want to jazz it up some," she tells Keltie, her eyes flicking up.

"Yeah, it is a bit..." Keltie says with a nod. She scribbles a bit more, pauses, goes back to stanzas that Haley and Brendon have already written and changes some things around before raising an eyebrow and settling back on the couch so that the other three can see the changes. Brendon. He studies it and nods. "You're the best, Keltie," he says.

"Live to serve, puppy," Keltie says with a smile, giving him a hug. "Hey, do you and Bob have any big plans for tomorrow?"

Brendon's face goes blank, and he shrugs. Bob hasn't said anything thing to him about doing anything special. "I don't think so," he says.

Cassie frowns. "Brendon. This is going to be your first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend ever. You two _have_ to do something," she says.

"Don't make us have to go and get the boys to pound him," Keltie says. "I don't think Ryan could survive going up against Bob Bryar."

"I don't think Bob wants to do something special just because it's Valentine's Day," Brendon mumbles, staring down at his hands in his lap.

"Poppycock!" Haley says, also frowning. "Do you want to do something special for Valentine's Day?" Which is totally a stupid question because Haley _knows_ Brendon, and she should know that it goes without saying that, of course, Brendon wants to do something special. He makes a face at her, and Haley sighs. "Brendon. You need to tell Bob you want to do something special; he's a bit slow sometimes," Haley says, petting his hair.

"But what if he doesn't want to?" Brendon worries. It is not so much that this this is Brendon's current biggest fear (though it's up there, right alongside his fear of Jamia killing him in his sleep), it's just something he worries about, that Bob honestly has no interest in doing something special for the holiday. That Bob finds Brendon's constant pestering annoying.

"Well, then he's not a very good boyfriend, then, is he?" Keltie snaps. Her face immediately softens, however, and she gives Brendon's leg a reassuring squeeze. "You need to know when to tell him what you want. Bob loves you a lot, hon. He'll pretty much jump through any hoop you asked him to."

"Really?" Brendon asks.

"Sure. How do you think I get Ryan to do anything?" Keltie asks with a snort.

Brendon totally knows that one. "With your boobs and your legs," he says because Keltie has _awesome_ legs. Maybe (possibly) not as amazing as Vicky-T's, but they're still really, really amazing, and Brendon is absolutely jealous of Keltie's awesome legs.

"Well, yes," Keltie admits. "But also by telling him what I want and then backing it up with boobs and legs." And, okay, Brendon can understand that Keltie can't depend on Ryan just _knowing_ that Keltie wants something because Ryan Ross is not the most observant of people at times.

"I do not have either of those," Brendon points out. "Well, I have legs, but not sexy ones."

"Sexy to Bob," Cassie reassures him, patting his leg.

"And you might not have boobs, but Bob likes you lots. Remember how you had Cash write on you earlier?" Haley adds with a grin, knocking Brendon's knee with her own.

"Oh yeah!" Brendon says brightly, pulling up his shirt so Cassie and Keltie can see too.

"Very nice," Cassie says. "How did Bob take that?"

"He picked me up and carried me to his bunk. It was amazing. He even made the growling noises." Brendon can't help but smile in memory of that. Mm, Bob being growly...

"And you think you need boobs and legs to convince him to do things for you?" Haley scoffs. "Bobs growls out of _love_ , Brendon Urie."

"Should I go talk to him about it, do you think?" Brendon asks. He could even show Bob his chest again and see if he can inspire more growly noises.

Smiling, Cassie kisses Brendon on the cheek. "Might be a good idea, yes. You do that, and we'll finish up here, okay?"

"All right. Oh, Haley – you have to tell them about the plans for tomorrow tonight, okay?" Brendon tells her as he extracts himself from the tangle that is his band

"Will do, soldier. You go get your boy. Man. Bob," Haley says with a grin and a salute as Brendon bounces out of the bus.

His first destination is the NLF bus. He runs into Jamia – crashes into her, really – and yelps, because she's still peeved at him about the whole Frank fiasco. Which, okay. It was definitely not just Brendon's fault, if he were at fault at all, because that was totally mostly Jamia's fault, but whatever, she never listens to him when he tries to explain that. Like now.

" _Brendon Urie_ ," Jamia says. Her eyes narrow, and she starts towards him. "When I get my hands on you—"

"Ahh!" he cries, dodging around her and running onto the bus. "Bob, Jamia's going to kill me! Bob, Bob, Bob, save me, or else there won't be anyone to do that thing you like me to do with my tongue!"

Because Bob is a ninja (also, possibly, MAGIC), he appears just in time to glower at Jamia before she kills Brendon. "It's not his fault you told people on tour before you told Frank," Bob rumbles, crossing his arms. It is, Brendon decides, the best thing _ever_. Also, very sexy. Not that he says that out loud.

Brendon's so happy that he springs onto Bob, pressing sloppy kisses on his cheeks. "You are my hero and savior, Bob Bryar."

Bob raises an eyebrow, but he puts his arms around Brendon as Jamia leaves in a huff. "Hey. Thought you had to tell Haley about something," he says, pressing his face against Brendon's hair.

"I did. And now I came to talk to you," Brendon says, trying very hard not to give in and just lean against Bob and forget about his Mission. "About important things."

"Important things?" Bob asks.

"Yes," Brendon says, nodding. He steps back a bit from Bob so he can look all serious and stuff, putting his hands on his hips. "I want to talk to you about tonight. About Valentine's Day."

"Oh."

"I know you probably don't think it's important..." Brendon trails off, looking down at his feet. He glances up at Bob but quickly looks back down again. The unicorn he drew on the toe of his right shoe is starting to wear off; he should probably touch it up. "But it's my first Valentine's Day ever with someone, and I really want it to, you know, mean something."

"Um. Actually. I meant to do something, but then I kind of... forgot. About it being tomorrow," Bob admits, flushing slightly and ducking his head before shrugging "If you want to do something after the show, I'm totally okay with that."

"I want to," Brendon nods, telling his heart to stop being all pitter-patter excited in his chest. He is totally not a girl. Really. "Please."

"What did you have in mind?" Bob asks, relaxing some and looking a little less sheepish.

"Something nice. Something romantic, I don't know." Isn't Bob supposed to come up with something? Brendon is so busy helping Cash and Marshall find happiness that he doesn't have time to make plans, really.

"I had an idea, actually, but, ah. I wasn't so sure how well you'd take it, since it's really, ah. Well." Bob rubs the back of his head and looks everywhere but at Brendon. "I was thinking we could go stargazing, maybe? We could go to the outskirts of the city – I think there are some fields and things just outside of town – and look up at the stars. Just you, me, a blanket, and maybe a thermos of cocoa?"

A grin spreads across Brendon's face. Wow, he is totally dating a romantic ninja teddy bear, and it has to be the most incredible thing ever. "That sounds perfect."

"It'll be cold," Bob warns.

"You'll just have to snuggle me, then," Brendon replies, because yeah, he is totally down with an excuse to snuggle with Bob and be romantic.

Bob laughs and nods – it's clear he has no problem with snuggling with Brendon either. "...it's not too sappy for you?" Bob asks a little nervously.

"Well, we are going to talk about sports, right?" Brendon says, keeping his voice and face as serious as he possibly can.

"If you want to." Bob smiles and wraps his arms around Brendon's waist, pulling him closer. Brendon grins and snuggles closer, humming happily to himself.

"And beer, and chicks," Brendon adds.

"Man, I work with chicks. I don't want to talk about chicks." Bob makes a face.

"Me neither," Brendon agrees. "Haley and I did some matchmaking today; it was awesome."

"Cash and his crush?" Bob asks as he pulls Brendon closer and sits down on the couch.

"Cash and Marshall," Brendon nuzzles Bob's neck. "We made Marshall growl like you and Spencer and Jon put together, it was so fun."

"...you didn't hang all over Cash, did you?" Bob asks slowly, frowning.

Brendon shakes his head, beaming. "Haley did! I can't believe Marshall fell for it." He scrambles about, rearranging himself so that he can sit on Bob's lap. "I didn't want to make you growl again."

"Mm, don't want to have to. My boy," Bob rumbles, kissing him slowly.

Brendon grins and winds his arms around Bob's neck and ignores how Jamia and Lyn-Z climb onto the bus and start teasing him. He doesn't care what anyone else says; he totally has the best boyfriend ever, and tomorrow he gets to go on a super romantic date _and_ do a show _and_ play matchmaker. His life is full of happiness and awesome.

\---

The Cab are opening this tour, and after they finish, Marshall fully intends to sneak away as fast as possible. He really doesn't want to stick around long enough to see why the evil, conniving hellions that make up The Best Thing Since have been looking in his direction and snickering _all day long_ , seriously, what the fuck? Unfortunately for him, the girls of TBTS have enlisted their boys for Marshall duty or something. As soon as he stumbles out of the building, he's accosted by a somewhat-sheepish Jon Walker and a fierce-looking guy who Marshall thinks is Haley's boyfriend. A third guy trails behind them, playing with the ends of one of the long scarves wrapped around his neck.

"Alex Marshall?" the fierce guy asks, and Marshall nervously nods. "Hi, I'm Spencer, that's Ryan, and you already know Jon. We'll be your kidnappers this evening," is all the warning he gets before Spencer takes one arm, Jon takes the other, and they haul him back into the building.

They make it back inside just in time to catch the very end of Brendon's short little introduction of the band, and oh god, it's just as bad as Marshall feared because they're all in _costume_ , fuck. He sees at least two sets of wings, and he thinks Brendon might have a tail, which is just... weird. To top it all off, Marshall is only just noticing that the stage banners are all a sort of lurid neon pink, and someone has painted various bits of graffiti all over them, so they now say things like, "I♥U KELTIE COLLEEN," "ZACK HAS SEXY LEGS," "BDEN ROX MY SOX," and, "GRETA BE MY VALENTINE." (This last is painted a little more carefully than the others, and Marshall suspects one of The Hush Sound boys is responsible for it.)

Marshall's about ready to sink into the floor from the embarrassment of simply _knowing_ Cash and Brendon (because who else could possibly be responsible?), but then Brendon's saying, "—start with something new. We're thinking of calling this one Freudian Slips Aren't Mistakes, Just Momentary Lapses Of Truth, or possibly Lying Is The Most Fun A Person Named Alex Can Have Without Touching Gender Pronouns. Haven't really decided yet," and Marshall knows this can't bode well.

The song is... Well. It's The Best Thing Since, so the beat is catchy, the lyrics are fun as well as thought-provoking. It could be a song about someone with a really hopeless crush, or it could be a song about an ambiguously gendered person named Alex needing to remember to pay their cab fare. Needless to say, Marshall is horribly embarrassed and wants nothing more than to curl up in a little ball and hide. He's going to _kill_ Brendon and Haley – he can't believe they came over to bother him just to fish for song material. Fuck, and how the hell do they even know about how he likes Cash? Marshall's been particularly careful about that this tour because he's _heard_ of TBTS's reputation. Oh god, does the fact that Cash came over with Haley and Brendon yesterday mean he knows too? This seriously has to be the worst night of Marshall's life.

It really doesn't help that his captors are standing there, cracking up like it's the most hilarious thing they've ever heard. Marshall scowls at them. "I want to go now, please," he snaps as politely as he possibly can given his current mood.

Instead of letting him go, Spencer grins at him and asks, "So, Marshall, got plans to get together with anyone special later on tonight?"

"No, geez! Why do people keep asking me that?" Marshall demands because Haley was bugging him about the exact same thing yesterday.

"Valentine's Day. You know, I think Brendon was saying Cash didn't have plans either... you guys aren't doing serious band bonding in light of Single's Awareness Day?" Jon prods, also grinning like an idiot.

"Well, from what it looked like earlier, Cash looked like he was in for a good Valentine's Day with Haley," Marshall shoots back. He can totally give as good as he gets, but as soon as he says it he finds himself looking around, trying to spot Cash. Jerking his eyes back to the stage, Marshall glares straight ahead. He's possibly trying to set fire to Haley with his mind; unfortunately, her kit seems to be causing some interferance.

Spencer laughs has the gall to laugh at this. "Ha! No, she and I made plans months ago. Cash just helped her and Brendon with the song yesterday, she said. Cash was worried because they'd upset you, and he wanted to know what they said."

"That was _before_ she was all over him. Because they came back, and Cash called me out, and she was all over him." Marshall remembers it very, very clearly, even though the memory is kind of obscured by this red haze of anger. Cash might've looked a little uncomfortable, but Marshall's pretty sure that's just wishful thinking on his part. Haley's pretty fucking gorgeous, after all – even Marshall wouldn't mind having her press up against him like that, except for how he currently hates her with the fire of a thousand suns, of course.

"Yeah, well." Jon shrugs and sips his beer. "They wanted to see if you'd go growly or not. Important information gathering for the song, you know." And yeah, _Jon_ can be all calm and nonchalant, Marshall thinks bitterly. It's not like _Cassie_ was one plastering herselve against Cash, after all.

This entire conversation makes no sense whatsoever. "What the hell are you talking about?" Marshall demands. Really, he wants to go and lie down somewhere where there aren't three smug boyfriends and a stupid song about his crush on Cash.

Jon apparently decides to take pity on him because he slings an arm around Marshall's shoulders and explains. "See, Alex Marshall. When a boy loves another boy very much, and someone else – like, say, an attractive female – throws herself at boy B in front of boy A, boy A gets all scowly and growly and possessive."

"They already knew I like Cash, though," Marshall mutters, shrugging. "That's what this song is about, duh."

"Yes, but. If, say, Ryan here—" Jon begins, though he's promptly cut off.

"Not Ryan," Ryan says, eyes glued to the stage.

"Right, not Ryan because he's a wuss who frequently fears for his sexuality," Jon acknowledges, backtracking. "If Spencer here were to, oh, plaster himself up against you – Spence?"

Spencer smiles and sidles over, pressing himself up against Marshall's back and slipping an arm around his waist. He whispers a soft, "Hey," into Marshall's ear, and Marshall has a hard time not automatically gulping. Spencer is kind of easy on the eyes, okay? Marshall can't help it if Haley has good taste!

"Thank you, Spencer. If Spencer were to plaster himself against you in full view of Cash, I am sure you would witness Cash being growly as soon as he noticed. That or mopey – mopey happens also, sometimes." Jon steps to the side, glancing over to where Cash is standing in the crowd a few yards away. Spotting Cash, Marshall feels his stomach twist. Cash is definitely looking in their direction and, yeah. He does look pretty damned mopey.

"So," Spencer says next to Marshall's ear, "have you figured it out yet, or do we have to tell you straight out?"

"Oh." Marshall says, taking in the distress on Cash's face. It really tugs on his heart strings and he feels horrible for making Cash look like that. Accidentally leaning back into Spencer probably isn't helping much either, and Marshall forces himself to stop. "Cash might try to beat you up or something," he says a little slowly, a smile starting at the corners of his mouth.

"Yeah, and he wouldn't want to do that after Brendon and the girls have gone through all the trouble of writing a love song for him. Maybe you should go talk to him about things, hm?" Spencer suggests, releasing Marshall and taking a step back. He glances at Ryan. "Wuss."

That... sounds like a very good idea to Marshall. "Okay," he says, making his way over to Cash. Cash looks more than a little surprised when Marshall grabs his arm, but before he can say anything, Marshall tugs him closer so they're standing chest to chest.

"Um," Cash tries, but he doesn't get any further.

"Next time," Marshall says, "just fucking tell me." Taking a deep breath, Marshall leans in and kisses Cash Colligan.


End file.
